Oh Dear
by suckers love
Summary: AU. SLASH. RLSB - SBRL. Sirius is your average badass college student. Presenting Remus, your average 'rebel' teacher.(Or at least my version of one.) They've kissed once and now the entire class wants them together. Almost.
1. Hands Off My Ass!

Title: First Pinch  
Rating: R  
Pairings: SBRL and maybe more.

Summary: AU. Sirius is your average badass college student. Presenting Remus, your average 'rebel' teacher. Siri has to kiss Remmie during the Performing Arts class and immediately, the entire class wants those two together. Well, all of them, except for one.

A/N: MY FIRST REMUS/SIRIUS FIC EVER! Hope you enjoy! Chapters are really going to come a little slowly because this is the only one I've got written.

"Oooh...nice arse. What's your name, you sexy darling?" Sirius Black pinched the firm, jean-clad arse of a tawny-haired, golden-eyed, built, 5'10" young man walking on the soft green grass of Hogwarts University. He ended up with a slap on his wrist and on the back of his head.

"It's Professor Lupin to you, young man. And do not do that again, no matter how much of a 'sexy darling' I may be. Just what is your name?" he asked to a 6'2", tan, rather well-built, young man with kohl-lined eyes clad in black converse hi-tops, black and red pin-striped pants covered in zippers, pockets, and chains, a blood red The Killers t-shirt, and a studded black leather belt. Upon looking the young man over, he'd noticed that he had several earrings and a lip ring.

Hey! He had the exact same outfit! And he would have worn it this morning too! Well, cheers to that. This morning, he'd sleepily slipped into a black dress shirt, top two buttons undone and loose dark blue jeans with a hole in the right knee along with a simple black belt. Being the 22-year-old 'modern' teacher he was, he'd put on his own vintage black Chuck Taylors with red and orange flames on them.

"You'll find out in class, Lupin!" He ran off to Room 105 where his Performing Arts class was to take place.

"OH FUCK! I'm late!" Remus worriedly hurried off to the exact same room, running as quickly as he could. He strolled into the classroom, panting, smiling, and carrying an enormous black backpack all at the same time. Well, the bag got a wee bit heavy so he laid it down on his desk, which had already been decorated. "Sorry, I'm a bit late. Got held up in traffic." He looked around the room to find several unrecognizable looks on the girls' faces and strange lusty looks on a couple of the guys' faces. "Who what would you all like to practice before roll call, which is at the end of class if I may add?"

The entire classroom echoed with students shouting, "Stage kisses! Stage kisses! Stage kisses!" over and over again and finally, Remus couldn't take it anymore. He began blasting "Guilty" by the Rasmus to block all of that noise out. Finally, it was a bit too loud for himself and ended up turned down.

"ALRiGHT! ALRIGHT!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. "Who's first?"

Two seconds after he asked for a kind volunteer, someone slid their hand lightly into his back pocket and pinched his arse once more. He whirled around, but all of his 'innocently clueless' students were just sitting there as if no one had done anything wrong, ever. Hopeless, Lupin announced, "Who ever confesses for doing that gets the first kiss from me today and they don't get in any trouble whatsoever."

"Straight away to Remus' amusement, everybody jumped up, except for Sirius, who sat there in the back of the classroom with a tiny smirk and a twinkle in his eye.

"Mr. Black, didn't I warn you earlier not to touch me like that?" Sirius' eyes twinkled even more. "Because I recall extremely well that I did so. Now, please to enlighten me why you went ahead and to put it bluntly, pinched my butt again," Remus lightly admonished, annoyed. Just because he had a black leather spiked collar, quite a few of body piercings, wore a couple of chains on his clothing, did NOT mean he enjoyed being disrespected by students, or anyone at all, for that matter.

"Too tempting. You look absolutely delicious standing there, so I understandably couldn't resist but to give into the temptation you unintentionally put out there. Does that mean I'm still in trouble?" Sirius asked innocently with puppy eyes displayed on his handsome face along with a matching pout.

Remus blushed furiously, managing to stammer out, "N-no… J-just don't do that again. Understood?" The student nodded obediently, not really paying attention to what he was saying. Damn. Who knew he blushed so easily?! This NEVER usually happened. "But you do have to get up here and kiss me because you're the only one that's still sitting down, turning you, /darling/, into my adorable volunteer for today. Now get up! The rest of you all can sit back down into the seats and watch me and Mr. Black here demonstrate."

That actually didn't sound too bad to the rest of the students. The homophobic ones didn't even flinch at the thought. Perhaps there was still some hope for getting rid of their fear. Some didn't want to watch. They didn't feel much like 'voyeur' this early in the morning.

Anyway, in attempting to keep his stoic expression, he got off the floor and walked right up to Professor Lupin, pretending not to care. Though, inside, his heart was about to beat until it burst with joy, out of loving to make hot teachers melt with his kisses.

"So, I just kiss you now?" Sirius asked huskily, face only mere inches away from Remus' own. He nodded and felt an arm wrapped around his lithe waist, eyes shutting, and faces now a centimeter apart. Sirius' soft red lips met his own, that would have been covered in black or deep red lip gloss, had he not remembered that today was the first day of his job at the university.

They pulled apart and kissed once more, noses grazing each other. Remus licked the student's bottom lip, requesting for permission into the mint scented mouth of his. Sirius let a barely audible moan out, parting his lips to let him in. Teeth grazing his tongue as he slid in, he felt like placing arms around his neck, or tugging out that swinging pony tail, so he could run his fingers though that thick, smooth, black and blue streaked hair.

The room was so quiet, you could hear a pencil drip on the floor and one did drop, making Remus Push Sirius away reluctantly, to face the class. "Well then class, find your own partners. For the next ten minutes, just kiss them, no unadulterated things. When the ten minutes is over, I'll tell you what to do next, is that understood clearly?" They nodded absently, still in a daze. "Good."

By the time everybody was paired up, Sirius was left without a partner. Being the ridiculously hot guy who kissed the sexy teacher, you'd think they'd all want him, wouldn't you? But they'd all agreed that those two would HAVE to be a couple by the end of the week or they weren't people, no matter how strange that sounded. And that seemed to be clearly understood among everyone, except for one single male blonde in the class.

Sirius pouted at the loss of a suitable partner for (to put it bluntly) makeout with for the next ten minutes for the next ten minutes. Adorably protruding his bottom lip out, he walked back up to Professor Lupin, looking quite disappointed. "Professor Lupin?"

Remus looked up from his sappy, romantic, little slash novel slightly, that he'd been reading while leaning against his desk. "Yes, Mr. Black?"

Sirius cutely pouted once more, "What am I supposed to do for the next ten minutes without a partner to practice on? I don't exactly feel like playing voyeur today. I don't exactly have time before class to get rid of any… problems that may occur."

"Then I'll be your partner," Remus declared impulsively, obviously without thinking. Someone snickered into their kiss, turning the declaration into an entirely different translation that supposed. 'Oh shit! Did I just say that to a student? Well, he is a ho- very good-looking young man if I may say so. Ahhh… Fuck good-looking. He's too damn sexy for his own good.'

"Well, I must say that you're a very blunt teacher if I ever had the pleasure of pinching the arse of one," Sirius smirked that 'I'm a total addiction, pretty boy' smirk of his. "But, I think I'll take you up on that offer. It's got to be loads and loads more fun than doing nothing at all for ten minutes."

"Then, kiss me already!" Remus exclaimed. 'Before I ravish you into my desk,' he added mentally.

Sirius tore the book from his teacher's hands and practically slammed it on the desk. He wrapped one arm around the other's waist, other hand taking hold of Remus' face.

He tilted his head downwards, pressing his lips lightly to the golden-haired teacher's. Sirius let go of the professor's face, letting it slide down to wrap around the lithe waist. Remus ran one hand through Sirius's long black and navy blue streaked hair that flowed a bit over his muscled shoulders. He tilted his head, causing their noses to graze each other. Then he licked the student's bottom lip, requesting permission into his mouth. The taller man gasped at the intimacy and granted.

Lupin slipped his tongue in as slowly as he could, teasing his student half out of his wits. Sirius leaned in even closer, his pretty, shiny white teeth running themselves over Professor Lupin's lemon-drop flavored tongue, and then biting down just hard enough to draw a tiny bit of blood and of course, get Remus to moan. He slid his tongue onto the other one in his mouth tasting the blood he'd drawn.

The older man threw his arm around his student's neck, which currently had a thin, black, studded leather collar around it, which also felt like there was a chain attached and dangling down his back.

'Bondage for the pretty boy? How fucking cute. No pun intended. Of course…' Remus thought. 'That definitely something I wouldn't mind experimenting with this young man. I just don't want my arse to be pinched at all anymore. I could do very well without a bruised ass. Thank you very much!'

"PROFESSOR LUPIN! JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING WITH THAT STUDENT YOU CURRENTLY HAVE YOUR ARMS AROUND?!" Professor McThereIsAStickUpMyAss shouted, bursting furiously into the classroom, her face the color of Remus' blood on his tongue.

Lupin pulled apart for a second and answered, "Kissing him."

TBC…

Well, that's it for now! Hope you enjoyed it! Review please! Thanks much! Until next time.

-- driven to insanity


	2. Introduce Yourself, Dearies!

A/N: V. sorry for taking so long since my last update. You may be as mad at me as you wish. And thank you for reading this. Please do accept the other characters I've made up for the story. I won't mind if you chose so to IM me and yell at me. AIM: xcheckmarks. Just spell correctly, okay? Forgive me please, I haven't a clue how college classes run so this is going as I'M writing it. Well then, without further delay, here's chapter two.

Chapter 2

"Mr. Lupin, or should I say, _Professor_ Lupin, I know very well what you're doing with that student. I also know that it is unlawful to be doing so, and it'd be best if you refrained from doing so in further situations," McThere-Is-An-Oversized-Stick-Up-My-Arse stated, in a very unfriendly manner.

Remus placed his hands on Sirius's face, cupping his cheeks and broke their kiss. "Just play along, Mr. Black. It'd be the best for both of us." He continued to make it look like they were kissing.

"Professor Lupin, did you not hear me? I do believe I just told you to stop kissing your student in front of a voyeuristic audience. And you're disrespecting my request. You ought to know I don't appreciate that," the academic supervisor of the school was starting to lose her patience.

The young professor turned his head with an impudent look on his face. "Our lips weren't touching. And for your information, we're practicing stage kissing, not making out onstage in front of what you called an audience. My students are not voyeurs and they don't welcome such names while they're trying to learn. Is that clear, or must I resort to further lengths to prevent you from pestering my lessons?"

McGonagall's countenance showed a mix of fear and aggravation. "It's clear, Professor. No need to threaten me."

"Wonderful. I do believe you can find your way out of my classroom. It's expected considering how many times you've been shown out you've been shown out before," Remus turned his attention back to his attractive student. "Please do accept my apologies for that horribly rude academic supervisor. She's always been like that."

"I'm surprised you've lived through her attitude for this long. So… all you have to do in stage kissing is hold someone's face and make it look like you're kissing them?" Sirius was just the slightest bit curious. It always looked so real when he saw people kissing on stage. Oh well. It was acting, after all, wasn't it?

"Yep. It's that easy. The rest of acting may not be, but that part is. Class, you may pry your lips from one another's now," a bit of disgruntled moaning was heard through the classroom. "Yes, I'm very sorry I had to put a stop to your cure for teenage horniness, but we still have to learn here. And I have to call roll too. Just yell out anything when I call your names. We've got about 15 of you and I know this shouldn't take long, so please, cooperate with me."

Someone just had to shout a very sarcastic "Of course, dear professor."

Lupin decided to ignore that display of disrespect. "Sirius Black… I already know you're here."

"Alexander Bones?"

"At your service, Professor!"

"Adam Dresden?"

"Fuck the kid on stage already!"

Sirius refused to let himself blush. His teacher just continued calling out names.

"Lily Evans."

"Hello."

"Hello, Miss Evans. Vera Greengrass?"

"Good morning!"

"Good morning to you too, Miss Greengrass. Drew Hammers?"

"Hey faggot, is your arse sore today?"

Professor Lupin's eyes snapped up from his notebook. "Excuse me, Mr. Hammers, but I'll have none of that in my classroom. If you'd like to let everybody know how narrow-minded you are, you can make get a tattoo that says "I hate faggots," on your arm, but I don't accept that kind of disrespect here. It won't be tolerated again."

"Fine."

"Tiffany Linker?"

"You're sexy."

"Lucius Malfoy?"

"Ditch the bitch on stage and take me instead." Mr. Black growled at the mouthy blonde, almost threateningly.

"Natalie Ores?"

"Here."

"James Potter?"

"Throw Malfoy out the window, please." Sirius' eyes brightened up at the sound of that and smiled at his best friend.

"I'm afraid I can't do that. Lexy Rory?"

"Can you like… get it on with Sirius now?"

"Sorry, no can do. Marie Saunders?"

"It's a pity you're gay. And not at the same time. One of you, either Professor Lupin or Mr. Black, should fuck the other through the floor already."

"I'll take that as a compliment. Steven Torrence?"

"Good morning."

"Thank you. Good morning to you too, Mr. Torrence. Mackenzie Valking?"

"I'm waiting to see you follow through with Miss Saunders' advice."

"That might be quite a while and you wouldn't see it happen." Sirius' eyes widened immensely, waking up from his daydreaming. "Adrian Zabini?"

"Pleased to be here."

"I'm flattered to hear that. Now that the attendance has been called, we can go back to elementary school and play icebreakers to get to know your fellow students." A few students looked at him strangely, but nodded. "Alright. I don't know what the name of this game is, but everybody's got to get in a circle. You move around and switch places with people across from you and someone gets stuck in the middle. Whoever gets stuck must stay in the middle until they tell everybody three facts about she or he. Easy enough, right?"

The students followed Professor Lupin's instructions, getting into a circle and the first one to end up in the middle was a Mr. Drew Hammers. A select few sneered at him for being the narrow-minded bitch he was. He straightened his back and spoke. "I'm Drew. I don't like gay men because my father left the family for a man. And I wish to become an actor some day." People nodded, sort of respectfully and switched around once more.

A young lady by the name of Tiffany Linker landed in the circle. She was clothed in a low-cut pair of jeans and a form fitting top, not bad. Nobody felt it was necessary to judge her. "Good morning. I go by Tiff if you'd like to call me that. I'm what people call a 'fag hag' because most of my friends are gay men. If you don't like that, you can just shove your books up your arses. And. I love music." She smiled and another landed in the center of the circle.

Steven Torrence spoke, "Good morning. I'm Steve if you heard earlier. Shopping is one of my necessities. I am a hypocrite. You can lick my balls if you don't like it." He grinned sarcastically and made his way out of the circle. Sirius could tell that Steve would make a good friend already.

Miss Saunders wasn't quite as quick as she should have been. Her consequences were to tell three facts about herself. "I hate public speaking. My name is Marie. Before class is over, I think Professor Lupin and our fellow classmate, Sirius Black, should give us one last show."

Sirius sent her a smile. "I'm not one to turn down a request." Before Remus could say anything about it, he gently smashed their lips together, just as the bell rang.

Mr. Malfoy wasn't too happy about it, but he didn't show such emotions.

To be continued…

Thank you all for sticking with me this far. I know this isn't a very good chapter. But I can't find the original version of this chapter. Very sorry. I beg for your forgiveness. I can't guarantee you that the next chapter will be out any time soon. Very sorry once more. If you've got any suggestions for the next chapter, please do tell me in a review. I haven't a clue where this is going, I used to have it planned out, but the notebook's gone. Again, thank you all for sticking with the story, even if I've been irresponsible. Well then, until next time!

- checkmarks.


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